you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
