I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
