We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
