I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
