Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
