I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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