i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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