Swine flu. Run for my life!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
