there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
