It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Say something about gay babies.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
