he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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