I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
