It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
