Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
