So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
