just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
