It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
