If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I deserve this hangover.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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