I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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