i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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