go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
