No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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