I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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