Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
