In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
