know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
