god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
