so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
