I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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