Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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