Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
