so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
