After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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