I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
