just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
