I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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