If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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