He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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