R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
