Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
