There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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