You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just gargled with NyQuil
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
