Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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