This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
