Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
