I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
