Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
