I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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