Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
