I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
