I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
