I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
