you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
