dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
