I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
