Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
