My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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