Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
