I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
