Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
