there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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