we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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