I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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