eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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