Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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